Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
