dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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