Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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