how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
