Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
