How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
