either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
