so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
