Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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