Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
