He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
