Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
