Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
