In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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