How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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