the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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