This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
