literally had 100 drinks last night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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