it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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