I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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