Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
