Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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