Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
