I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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