I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
