it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize