thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize