oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
