Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
