my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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