Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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