butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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