do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
