You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
