Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
