He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
