We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize