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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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