i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
