sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
