i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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