she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize