I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
