??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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