Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
