dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
