Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
