Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
