marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
