my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
