Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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