well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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