then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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