I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have aggressive nipples.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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