I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
