Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We left the knife in your bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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