Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
