Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
