yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
