I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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