I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
