Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
