the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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