somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
