I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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