yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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