he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
