So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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