it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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