I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
